To all of you…
Its been a while since I wrote. I could give you a bunch of reasons but like always I opt for the truth. I have went through some stuff, still going, looking for that pavement I will choose to rest on.
Thing is I had this heaviness wrapping my soul. I had no words, my emotions were misted, I needed to live a little , to find my place out of my mind. So I let go. I stepped out of my bubble for a bit. These weeks I laughed harder, I cried more but still I couldn’t write. There was something holding me back. I kept pushing it, saying Im going to write and I did but it wasn’t my words so I deleted it.
Today I sat alone by myself and I closed my eyes and for the first time since my reality rushed in on me, I thought. When I started I couldn’t stop and it had me asking myself a mundane question. Do I accept me?
I have crossed paths with many people. I have travelled the world, seen poverty at its worst. Riches of the highest levels. But none of that answers the question.
So I searched harder, I thought of my life. I thought of my choices. I remembered moments that I had long forgotten. Times as a kid when I didn’t care why the sky was blue or adults kept checking the time. I remembered thinking I was an alien passing by on this earth. Which we are. We are all passing by. From the day we came into this world our death, our end was inevitable. No man was born to live forever.
I spent five hours just thinking. No music, no TV, nothing. I thought about my life searching for an answer to my question.
We have all done things we aren’t proud of, sinner’s in our own right. Maybe those sins werent always freely dooming. Some of us surround ourselves with the regret of it all, whether by choice or not, whilst other’s choose to see the lessons learned.
There are even some who smile and choose to just leave the past in the past and move on. But my question today is Do you accept yourself?
Do you accept that you aren’t perfect but the perfect whole of yourself? Or you will never learn your lesson and repeat past mistakes? Do you accept that you will never be good at something even though you put a hundred hours into doing it? Or you good at something and never even practiced? Do you accept you? For all your faults, for all your talents? Do you accept you?
Some of you would jump and say yes. Others will say no. Thing is we can’t accept ourselves without knowing who we are accepting.
You are an individual. You look at things from a different perspective. You have your own thoughts, your own opinions.
I myself haven’t really accepted ME before now. I was so used of taking what I got and been grateful that I had something that I lost myself along the way.
But no more, today as I write to you I will say I accept myself. I accept my faults, I accept my talents. I accept that my happiness is in my hands, my choices are my own. Nobody has the power to take that from me but my own self.
To do that I had to dig deep. I had to live, love, lose it all. I had to realise that we are all different.
I want you to look within yourself , I want you to ask yourself do you accept you.
Send me your emails, I’m listening as always.
Author Shan R.K 